So here is an interesting write up of a study claiming that in the developed world the amount of work done by men and women is equal. Now I don’t really take this study that seriously. In fact I don’t believe there is really any fact of the matter about who works more, it is all going to depend on how you choose to count. Though this should give you good reason to be skeptical of anyone who thinks there is an obvious clear cut answer to the question, especially if it is just based on personal experience. Frankly the whole idea that who spends more time working matters seems pretty absurd. When I spend an hour thinking about math that surely is not equivalent for me to spending an hour doing the dishes.

However, this survey made me wonder how it is that people can consistently hold the position that having children is a large net positive but that staying home and raising the kids is just as big a contribution to the relationship. Perhaps this is a useful fiction to have in relationships but it seems you must admit that one of the following claims are true:

1) Time spent caring for a child is overall less bad than time spent working. 2) The value in having a child doesn’t actually consist of time with the child or anything like that. It is merely the abstract benefit of having had a kid. 3) Having a child is a net negative.

Now one could view 2 as an escape route but most parents will deny that they are just in it for the totally irrational pride from having had a child, i.e., they would claim that they would lose out on most of the benefits of having children by just pawning them off on a nanny. Yet if this is true and having a child is a net positive it must mean that given a choice between spending time caring for a child and spending the time at a normal job plus getting paid you would prefer to spend the time caring for the child.

Frankly I think the real answer is 3 and we just have irrational beliefs about the matter. Though it could also be 2 and we just aren’t willing to admit that we just like knowing we have reproduced.